done.

im officially done... like i swear i am. and i dont make up my mind to change it alot. I hate change. i always have but i absolutely will not be made to look dumb. i deserve SO much better. im FAR too smart, driven, beautiful, and loyal for this. I always let him walk back into my life. if i were carrie from sex and the city then he is my mr. big. 

Carrie: you do this every time. every time. what do u have some kind of radar: carrie might be happy its time to sweep in and shit all over it? 

Mr. Big: what? no no look, i came to tell you something i made a mistake... you and i...

Carrie: YOU AND I NOTHING. you can not do this to me again. you can not jerk me around. 

Mr. Big: carrie listen. it is different this time

Carrie: its never different. its 6 years of never being different. but this is it i am done. dont call me ever again. forget you know my number... in fact: forget you know my name. 

Heres the clip on youtube.... so go watch it

well in my case its like 3 years of never being different. but i solemnly swear he will never again walk in and derail and dismantle EVERYTHING. its like i can be completely happy... and i sabotage it for this person. I ruin everything always... 

one of my favorite books is called perks of being a wallflower. everyone go buy it. in it has these quotes 

1) "We accept the love we think we deserve"

and

2) "He's my whole world." "Dont ever say that about anyone again. Not even me."

so with that said... i deserve better and will not accept love that is just not good enough for me. i dont want to settle so i wont. im strong enough to stand on my own two feet... no one person is my whole world: kat williams told me to get in touch with my star player and now i have. i will never be so trusting again. I am not broken im not even sad. Just determined to move on...